Dear Diary,
Hey BFFs!!
I’ve been struggling with inaction lately. Oh, it looks like I’m doing a lot, and my days are full, don’t get me wrong, but there are a few things that I know will take me to the next level that I’m just not doing.
Pitching myself as a guest to podcasts.
Pitching guest posts.
Starting my YouTube Channel.
Finish writing my book.
Starting my podcast.
I have a goal to build my email list to 10,000 subscribers, and these are all things that are going to get me there, yet there they sit, on my to-do list without being scheduled and prioritized over all the other things.
Why do we hold ourselves back from doing things that we know will get us what we want?
The same pattern shows up in other areas of my life. I have a great week of a daily exercise practice, eating awesome, healthy whole food and hydrating like a champ, and then I wake up the following Monday morning, pat myself on the back for doing such a great job last week and put no intentional action into repeating those actions enough times that they become habit, that they become part of me.
Here’s why I think that I’m not doing these things: Fear.
Fear of putting myself out there in a more intentful way, fear of being noticed, fear of not being validated.
Up until now, I’ve been able to promote the Free 5 Day Website Challenge. I don’t have to talk about me, I can talk about you and your problems and how I can help you solve them. I don’t have to put the spotlight on myself.
And if I’m being totally honest, I love all the praise and thank you’s that I get from you guys about how awesome the 5 Day Challenge is. I start to doubt myself when I don’t get that feedback, and that imposter syndrome starts to creep back in.
All of those things that I’m not doing? Like pitching myself and starting a new YouTube Channel, have to do with me talking about me, about why I’m good enough, why I think you should pay attention to me.
And that is really uncomfortable for me. I’m fine with other people saying awesome things about me, but for me to say them about myself?
What if it’s not true???
It reminds me of middle school when you like a boy, but you make your best friend tell him and find out if he likes you back before you totally put your little 13-year-old heart on the line.
Like, can’t someone else tell those people how awesome I am for me?
Or at least it feels that way…
And the other thing? I feel guilty for feeling this way.
I mean, I did it!! I reached my goal!! I quit my day job. I’m writing this blog post from bed, with Scarlett at my feet, coffee on my nightstand and I don’t have anywhere I have to be today. #dreamlife!!
So why the guilt?
My business coach, Vicki Fitch, must have a time machine. She must have gone into the future to see that this is exactly what I’d be struggling with after reaching my goal of quitting my day job.
Since we started working together in 2016, she’s shared a concept with me called The Bully in Your Head, and she’s warned me that this will be the time that I’m most vulnerable to the Bully, and that I must not be complacent.
It’s definitely the Bully in My Head.
In fact, she’s does a monthly podcast episode on the topic which you can check out here, and she’s also writing a book about it that you can preorder here as part of her big, hairy audacious goal to publish 12 books in 12 months (also go check that out here if you want to master selling and all things online business).
My Bully shows up in all these subtle, insidious ways, like the fact that I’m even writing this blog post tells me that the Bully in My Head is awake and grumbling this morning, wanting more coffee…
My Bully’s job is to keep me in my place.
Don’t be conceited. Be grateful for what you have, don’t ask for more. Don’t do anything that would make someone else not like you. Don’t do anything that might make you feel uncomfortable and have conflict. Don’t do anything that might offend someone else, like asking them to pay for stuff or pricing something too high.
You want everyone to like you, right??? Then you can’t put yourself out there too much #duh!!
It’s my Bully’s job to keep me from taking action and keep me in my comfort zone.
So let me ask you this: What is on your to-do list that will get you closer to what you want, but you’re not doing it? What does your Bully tell you? Tell me in the comments below.
It’s so funny that whenever the Bully, or Self Doubt, or Imposter Syndrome or whatever you want to call it shows up for you guys or any of my friends, I’m like NOPE, not today Bully! She’s awesome and amazing and she deserves to have everything she wants!! I can spot the bully a mile away and stand between her and her bully.
For myself, well, I’m working on that.
Here’s what I tell my BFFs, and today, I’m saying it to myself:
The only way to fail is by doing nothing.
So what if I pitch myself and no one books me?
So what if I start a YouTube Channel and no one watches it?
So what if I write a book and no one reads it?
So what if I start a podcast and no one listens?
So what if it takes me a year to transform my body?
I know that I have something of value to share. And I know I can help people change their lives. And I won’t let the Bully in My Head stop me.
At least I will have tried, I will have learned something, and I’ll know what to do differently the next time. Maybe I’ll knock it out of the park the first time, but probably I won’t be an expert right out of the gate. Just like anything else, it’s trial and error. And the only way to really fail is to stop trying (or never start).
Because if I do nothing, I’ll never know the outcome and I for sure won’t get any results.
So if you’ve been holding yourself back from finishing your website, or making that freebie, or promoting yourself, or calling yourself an expert, or signing up for that program that you know deep down will help you take it to the next level but the bully in your head is telling you that it won’t work, as Vicki Fitch says, it’s time to evict the bully in your head.
If your best friend came to you and told you all the things you say to yourself in your head, what would you tell her?
Get out a pen and a piece of paper, and respond as if you’re speaking to your best friend, and do that whenever your bully starts being an asshole to you. Maybe he’ll eventually go somewhere else once he figures out no one is listening to him anymore.
As for me, after I finish up this blog post I’m starting on that podcast pitch. #byebully!
PS – I really did send out that pitch!
