Have you ever received feedback that you didn’t expect and immediately felt defensive? I know I have…
So why would you ever ask for it? In this episode I'm going to break down how to find the gold in critical feedback and use it to your advantage!
So I was working on a client website the other day and to keep myself focused, I typically have some kind of podcast or TV going on in the background. This particular day it happened to be a show called “In Depth with Graham Bensinger” where he was interviewing NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr.
I knew nothing about NASCAR until I met my husband, and then my Sundays would be spent reading a book while he watched the race, and I’d take what I’d call “NASCAR Naps” because the sound of the cars just put me right to sleep. I actually dozed off at an actual race. Hmm… maybe I need a white noise machine in my bedroom.
Anyway.
Dale Jr. was sharing how he was suffering from these concussions from various crashes and how he didn’t tell anyone what was going on and that’s why he decided to retire from racing.
Super interesting interview but that part that really stuck out to me was that he said that while he was with his first race team, he was giving about 80% effort. He was partying with his buddies all week, showing up just in the nick of time for practice, and leaving right after to go play Madden in his RV instead of sticking around to talk about it, stuff like that.
And then he went to another race team that had championship drivers on it – like, guys that had won the cup year after year after year, and it wasn’t until being around those guys and seeing the level of focus and responsibility required to win a championship that he realized he’d only been giving 80%.
And when asked about why that was, he said no one on his team had ever said to him hey, you’re not working hard enough BUT, he had heard chatter in the media and even from disappointed fans when he lost races that they thought he wasn’t racing to his potential. But he said he just blew it off as haters, critics, and kept doing what he was doing – and it’s only NOW that he realizes they were right.
So why am I telling you this long story about a NASCAR driver?
Because it’s important to pay attention to your critics. Now, I’m not talking about listening to trolls or anything like that, but I am talking about paying attention to the ones that are your biggest fans. Because those are the ones that want to see you do better and live up to the potential they know you have.
And I’ve been guilty of doing what Dale Jr. has done, writing off my critics.
Not as haters, I think that term is kinda aggressive and ridiculous, but more in terms of getting really defensive, like –
“Geez, I’m not perfect, I’m human. How much more can people expect from me???”
But thoughts like that are self-serving, and they completely miss the point which is – hey, if you want to get to the next level where the champions hang out, you’ve got to improve. And not just on the things YOU think you need to improve, but on the things that people on the OUTSIDE think you need to improve. And again, not trolls, but your customers. Even better – the customers you lost.
So here’s how I’ve been asking for critical feedback on my 5 Day Website Challenge. It’s free for 30 days, and then if you want lifetime access to it, it’s $29 to upgrade to get it. I send out an email to people near the end of the 30 days reminding them that their access is going to expire, and then if they don’t upgrade I send an email that asks why they chose not to upgrade, and to give me total honesty, and I lied a little bit and said I could take it.
Because it does sting, I’m not gonna lie. I’m sensitive!!
And someone replied and said “I didn’t upgrade because you mentioned in some of the videos that you’d talk about XY or Z later, and you never talked about it. So that made me wonder, well, if I pay for this is it even going to be any good or will there be stuff missing?”
And I had NO IDEA that I had even done that! And that feedback was insanely valuable, telling me exactly where I was losing trust and losing the sale.
Another response I received was from someone who told me they had been on my list for years, then they weren’t able to access something and got frustrated and gave up – but since I asked, she wanted to let me know and even offered to walk me through what she was experiencing.
Um, YES I will totally take you up on that, because I want to make sure people have a great user experience with my courses.
And one of my favorite customers shared with me that he was bummed out because he was super motivated and excited and into the zone working on his site, and then he got stuck, went to my Facebook group to ask a question and didn’t get a response for three days – and he suggested some strategies I could try to get responses for people more quickly.
Totally awesome feedback from one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I felt defensive.
Because “how can I be in the group 24/7 woe is me blah blah blah.”
That’s the bully in my head taking that feedback and using it as evidence to support the lie that it tells me all the time. That I don’t have what it takes to get to the next level. That I’m maxed out and topped out, and this is it for me.
Because my customer wasn’t suggesting that I wasn’t doing a good job and that I needed to spend every waking moment in my Facebook group.
He was sharing an opportunity with me to help me go from 80% to champion. The lost upgrade customer was sharing an opportunity. The frustrated customer was offering an opportunity.
As you know if you’ve listened to the past few episodes – or you’ll find out right now if this is your first, I’m kind of obsessed with the Great British Baking Show right now – and one of the judges, Paul Hollywood, comes across pretty harsh. Not in like, reality TV a-hole harsh, but just high standards and no sugar-coating. And you can see many of the bakers faces fall, and eyes well up. And I get it, because it’s hard not to internalize that feedback. Like, your cake isn’t good enough = YOU are not good enough. It’s the bully in your head.
But if you can reframe that as an opportunity rather than an attack, there’s gold in that feedback, even if you’ve got to dig through the defensiveness to find it.
The opportunity is instead of hearing all the things that are WRONG with this cake, how about taking it as all of the things that can be improved on the NEXT cake?
Today’s pep talk is brought to you by Bluehost. Go to www.shannonmattern.com/bluehost and get 36 months of web hosting for just $2.95 a month. That’s less than one trip to Starbucks a month – and if you’re anything like me, you’re at Starbucks more than that!
Then you can sign up for my Free 5 Day Website Challenge at www.shannonmattern.com/5day and I’ll show you step by step how to get started building your new website for your side hustle.
